I hold in a lot of pain… Thats my fault.. Because i didnt want to fail this time, i didnt want to give in to my circumstances and quit because I’ve done it my whole life.. 

This year alone, I’ve been broken down to having nothing, everything got stripped from me, and ive been fighting hard asl to keep my head above water.. Many sleepless nights, they say God is trynna tell u something…. 

I’ve heard and read 3 times over, U have to put urself 1st, thats been 1 of the hardest tests i have ever had to conquer, but im getting close.. And i heard once u put urself 1st, many will go against u, because they cant tame u and use you.. 🙈🙈 Why? I guess im not suppose to know why

I’ve been tempted to go to a shelter, but Lord knows, i never want to put my children through that, i never want them to feel that.. I felt that before… But, ppl try to misuse u when they feel they have the upper hand, especially after all they have witnessed u go through, you’d think .. And its only that.. You’d think…. I have never and i will never and u will never hear of it from a soul I’ve ever let in my space… I will take away from myself to rebuild someone.. Thats a gift and a curse in itself.m trust me… Ive been called dumb and stupid for it many times… But i always felt it was my duty

I wake up daily with the biggest headaches sometimes from overthinking about my jext move, until im drained… How can u sit and listen, when u have 4 lives in ur hand, and u just cant hand them over to someone..they are my strength

Only those close to me knows whats going on, and have witnessed the many losses ive taken.. and I cant even trust them because they use my downfall as their stepping stone.. 

Is this why God stripped me from it all, because he knows i will give my last, i will give my all to those i hold dear to me, and he refuses to let me be misused.. Is it because I am easily blinded by those i care about… Im a protector by nature… So i will go to the pits of hell and back for em… We all have flaws but that is never an excuse to mistreat others… I never bite my tongue, and if im wrong, I’ll admit im wrong, because im about growth in any shape of form… I dont mind the humiliation that comes behind it… Thats the sacrifice… Oh, but when im right🙌🙌🙌🙌

I said out my mouth the other day, “God wont let u progress, because he knows u will share it with those whose undeserving of ur gifts”.. And i was speaking on another persons’ situation…. But as soon as i said it, it hit me so, hard. I had to go lay down

So when u see me, not smiling or snappn out dont be so quick to judge, dont think, oh why u dont like me?? Im not speaking on shit I went through, im speaking on what im going through… 

Yes, ur going to hear Bird is crazy, Bird is disrespectful, Bird snaps out for no reason, Trust that there’s always a meaning Behind Birds madness, Because im tired

I play, laugh and joke daily to keep from crying because im fighting to keep my sanity and to take me away only for a moment

By:Te’a songbird