Boys don’t cry!..Especially Black boys…
Black men and Defending their Masculinity
PART 2
Following on from Part 1 of this article, 4 more black men of various backgrounds weigh in with their take on the stigma society places on black men expressing their emotions. Previously part 1 addressed historical and cultural factors which may have led to the creation of the arrested development which has affected many black men in their ability to feel comfortable opening up emotionally.  The mental health issues that have come about as a by product of repressed emotional vulnerability as well as the dangers of dependency on vices used to power through issues that are left unexpressed were also brought into the light. Below Cory DaCosta, Carl Watkins Jnr, Clairmont Chung and Chad Barrett share their views:

I definitely believe there is a stigma attached to men expressing their emotions, the reason for this comes more so from a traditional sense regarding male and female gender roles in our society.  The nature of the women is deemed to be one which allows for an open display of emotions because they are looked upon as emotional beings verses men who are constantly told that acting as such is a sign of weakness, the opposite of manhood and more feminine like. Men are told our whole childhood to “not act like a girl” in any type of manner. I’ve heard on more than one occasion in my life that a man is only allowed to cry once in his life and that is when his mother dies. Sayings like that are echoed to men throughout our lives, so you do your best to conceal your feelings and never reveal your true emotions. As far as this stigma being associated more so with black men goes, this is due in my opinion to us not having a proper male figure around us to witnesses true masculinity so in turn we have to get that from outside the household as more than half of our fathers are not present. Displaying our emotions often result in ridicule by our own female counterparts or on the opposite end of the spectrum some females console and coddle men to a fault creating the opposing problem of overly emotional men. This is a particularly evident problem within fatherless homes where men don’t have the necessary guidance which would help them understand how to process emotions in the way it is expected of them. Men in most cultures worldwide aren’t expected to be overly emotional either so I believe it just needs to be balanced.
Cory DaCosta (Brooklyn, NY)

Being a black man, living in a predominantly white society, which overtly, discriminates against blacks, brings its own set of problems and difficulties. The commonly held perception of black people in general and black men in particular, rightly or wrongly is a fact. We are viewed as a homogenous group and are therefore, stigmatized in varying degrees.
The fact that in our midst are many outstanding men of great intellect, expertise and high accomplishments, we are all still identified solely based on our color. The sad question arises as to who establishes society’s norms. The answer is the majority. There are stark differences in behavioral conduct between the races.  The type of music we listen to, the kind of clothes we wear and even the kind of social entertainment activities, we participate in.
As a black man, I try to always be aware of my environment.  If I happen to be walking and notice a white woman walking on the same side towards me, my first thought is to take evasive action, by crossing to the other side.  I know that if the lady spotted me first, she would almost certainly have done the same thing to avoid any possible confrontation.
This is a sad state of affairs, but unfortunately it is a reality and a fact of life.  It will probably take a few more generations to overcome these societal shortcomings. We are almost exclusively judged through the prism of color. As such, we are stereotyped and therefore, we must be no good.
Carl Watkins Jnr (Orlando, Florida)

Men express their emotions all the time. They tell their loved ones, especially their mothers, that they love them and their children too, the younger the better. It’s those people that cannot or won’t who use those expressions against them i.e. use it as a sign of weakness to manipulate.
In addition to that suspicion of people, there is the whole notion of the association of emotion and weakness and the historical, sociological, environmental, expected role of men as strong providers and all of this is happening within the framework of white supremacy and capitalism.  White supremacy says that white people are at the top of his chain and all orders at the bottom. But in the workplace and in schools, the public domain, the people who exercise the power have a clear preference for everyone else including black women over and above black men. I am not talking about what happens in the black home regarding the power sharing within the black family that’s for another time. I’m just talking about black men and their emotions and like most black people having to wear two faces one for the world and one for the people they love and to whom they can show their emotions. And sometimes it is not easy to make that adjustment. it is not as easy as removing your wig.  Those who operate in the underground economy know a show of any emotion could be seen as weakness and could be exploited sometimes with deadly outcomes, so it’s just best  to keep your ‘face’ on as the default position.
Also black men show their emotion all the time: in competition, after a touchdown, a nice dunk, laws have been passed to stop black men from showing emotion…celebration. It’s those down moments during illness, death physical and sexual abuse that those emotions are shut down. I think it’s for all men, maybe even all people.
Clairmont Chung (New Jersey)

‘I feel there is definitely a stigma regarding men expressing their emotions, especially black men.  The stigma for black men is rooted in our upbringing, where bravado and swag is the gold standard of behavior and it is virtually unacceptable to drop a tear, unless someone very close passes away. Men and especially black men because of this have a hard time being vulnerable and properly expressing their emotions, and it is definitely an underlying problem in our communities.’
Chad Barrett (Brooklyn, NY)
Carl Watkins Jnr holds the view that stereotypes regarding the way black men are expected to act are the root cause of the stigmas regarding the way black men are expected to express emotions. This sentiment is further supported by Chad Barrett who mentioned the existence of a ‘gold standard’ almost like there’s a cookie cutter prototype regarding emotional expressive expectations placed on black men.  Clairmont Chung makes a clear distinction regarding which types of emotions are deemed as acceptable by society’s standards such as joy and displays of celebratory exultations which is in stark contrast to what is not deemed as acceptable by society’s standards. Meanwhile Cory DaCosta brought up an interesting point when mentioning that in some cases emotions aren’t repressed but on the contrary overexpressed. This being due to the lack of guidance and emotional understanding brought about by coddling female figures and absent father figures.
Looking back at the feedback from this 2 part article the points raised by the 8 men who voiced their opinions in it brought up a wide array of various factors that have contributed to the stigma which exist regarding black men openly expressing emotions. The issue is so wide that it can be safe to say that a 2 part article barely scratches the surface of the issues at play here however in light of the mental health grievances and other toxic reactions that could occur due to the repression of emotions, it is not only imperative that as a community we make an attempt to have a greater understanding of the psychological impact of the current state of affairs but that we also support positive progressive change.
In Sum processing uncomfortable emotions are difficult for anybody regardless of gender and race and with maturity it is reasonable to expect that some level of control is necessary but the expectations placed on black men to subdue their natural emotions completely are not only harmful but also detrimental to the community as a whole. This level of unnatural suppression can and has had a negative impact on relationships, family life and community growth. In order to heal we must learn how to be aware of the emotional process however uncomfortable, living in that moment consciously in order to process it in a healthy manner and avoid toxic outcomes.
Special thanks goes out to Cory DaCosta, Carl Watkins Jnr, Clairmont Chung and Chad Barett for your contribution to part 2 of this article.
Talking is healing.

By Gizelle Watkins