Boys don’t cry!..Especially Black boys…
Black men and Defending their Masculinity.
PART 1

A few short weeks ago highly acclaimed Actor and Singer Tyrese Gibson was trending in the news for a topic far removed from his talent as an artist but instead for his decision to express his emotional vulnerability publically. He had posted a series of videos on social media where he ranted, wept and expressed frustration and sorrow regarding multiple issues including the since resolved custody battle he had been having with his ex wife concerning their 10 year old daughter Shayla.  In the footage he claimed that he had been denied access to his daughter for 2 months due to child abuse allegations which according to several news sources have since been thrown out of court. In one video Tyrese expressed his grief by sobbing and calling out his daughters name.  Many watched and felt some compassion for a father who had lost access to his only child, some watched and felt that his intentions were not pure and that he was posting videos for attention, some felt that as a man especially a black man his display of emotions showed weakness and therefore he had embarrassed himself.  Many celebrities also weighed in with their own opinions some sympathetic some not so much but all relevant to the topic in subject does a man, especially a black man become less of a man if he cries in public? I will look at this topic by sharing opinions from black men who have strong views about this and also weigh in with my own interpretation in a 2 part article. Eight black men of various ages and backgrounds voice their opinions.   The first 4 men featured in the 1st part of this article below are Brother Konscious, Ejah, Carl Watkins and Jamell Henderson:

‘In my opinion, masculinity has been shaped by patriarchy. The eurocentric cave model of what a man is supposed to be, is what is projected. They were a people who didn’t respect emotions it seemed. It was seen as a feminine, however emotions are indicative of being alive. Even animals get emotional and express it. So the stigma is that emotions are some bitch shit..especially if you are a black man because black men are hyper masculine thugs…haven’t you listened to hip hop or dancehall? We are tougher than nails! Our tear ducts don’t manufacture water!! Which leads to repression which can lead to abusive expressions of that same energy had all parties been able to receive it with humility… It’s an interesting world we live in.’
Brother Konscious (Bronx, New York)

‘Yeah black men get ridiculed more for crying and shit. White people be like “yes, it’s Okay to cry, let it all out.”  Black people be like, “wtf you showing weakness for those dam white people.”
Ejah (Brooklyn, New York)
‘There is definitely greater emphasis on black men not showing emotion. There’s a prehistoric mind set that’s instilled in us to have a harder outer shell. Some of it is because we’re always seen as juvenile thugs.  A man who wears his heart on his sleeve is not taken seriously and seen as mentally frail. You’re constantly told to pretty much internalize your problems and power through it. Men have too much pride to ask for help. Everyone has their problems, women will ridicule them, and society will tell them to get over it. It’s a double standard we deal with that is slowly fading away but still very much present.  Which is why most men have unhealthy vices or ways of dealing with that’
Carl Watkins ‘ThaThird’ (Orlando, Florida)

There is a big stigma regarding black men expressing their emotions. I look at it from 2 particular standpoints.  Number one being cultural base, If you look at our history as African Americans in this country you rarely hear about any type of venue where African American men can express themselves and the struggles that they’re dealing with however black women have been doing it all the time. it doesn’t matter if it’s in the kitchen, in the church, a basement, at a meeting or in a rally they are constantly saying things to encourage one another and they are allowing themselves to be vulnerable and to express things that are near and dear to them but we don’t do that as black men.
Standpoint number 2 is down to our upbringing. I think Michelle Obama said it best when she said that mothers coddle their sons. Coddling us as men with the father figure being missing from the picture does not give us men the opportunity to have someone in our lives that can share with us not only what it takes to be a man but also how to express ourselves as men and to know that it is OK to show emotions. Due to this  lack of expression we hold on to our emotions and like a sickening virus it eats away at us every single time until we are confronted with someone or something that is a target of years of built up anger and emotions and everything in between and they are the victims of such frustration.  Even now we are starting to see arenas where black men can be open and expressive about what they are feeling. It is a major mental health issue because if we’re not able to open ourselves up, nobody will be able to know what we are feeling, even our own boys. So we have to come up with a way to address and help.
Yes, there a big stigma regarding men expressing themselves but it’s even bigger issue among black men because of the cultural history, upbringing and lack of father figures. Those are 3 major factors and because of that when we open ourselves up and say that we are feeling a particular way it is determined to be soft and weak, that you’re not a man along with other insults, but it should never hurt to tell another brother that you care love and care for them.
Jamell Henderson (Brooklyn NY)

All 4 men who shared their views above seem to agree that society does look down at men especially black men who express their emotions. Of particular interest was brother Konscious statement that this way of blocking out natural emotions is something that was passed down to us through living in a Eurocentric society.  In light of this factor it would be interesting to know how black men pre the years of the transatlantic slavery were expected to process and express their emotions culturally compared to what is typical and deemed acceptable by society today.
The mental health ramifications of suppressed emotions addressed by Jamell Henderson as well as other side effects caused by not processing emotions natural such as dependency on vices as outlined by Carl Watkins or unhealthy expressions as touched upon by brother Konscious are also very poignant factors when looking at this issue. In light of this it could be said that society’s stigmatism which leads to suppressing emotions is detrimental to the health and mental development of black men who succumb to it.
On the upside however, Mr Watkins and Mr Henderson both held the opinion that society is changing slowly and moving in a direction where talking about emotions is becoming more acceptable.  This is both a welcomed and hopeful progression however slow.
Ejahs raw, real and straight to the point views touched on feelings of racial shame regarding the show of weakness which could be a major element in understanding the reasons as to why black men in particular feel more pressured to keep their emotional expressions and vulnerability at bay.
Part 2 of this article which will be published on Friday will feature 4 more black men with various opinions who will be weighing in on this very complex and in some ways troubling subject.
Special thanks for the input of Brother Konscious, Ejah, Carl Watkins ‘ThaThird’ and Jamell Henderson .
Talking is healing!

By Gizelle Watkins